When Life Throws You a Curveball

Or is it, when life hands you lemons.  Either way, life gave me whichever analogy you want to use the other week.   I went to my third expander injection a couple Tuesday’s ago and had many questions for Dr. C, but that’s nothing new.  One of my big questions was “can I schedule my second surgery the week after Thanksgiving?” And the answer was a big ole NO! Haha, shows me, right?!?  I need at least around two months between my last expender injection and when I go back into surgery for my permanent implants. WTF, that’s Christmas time!! I guess I need to look on the bright side because if that is the only hiccup I have during this entire journey I’ll be very lucky.   So, my second surgery is scheduled for December 22^nd at 7:10 am :)

Other than that, things are going well in my life.  Still able to wear all my normal clothes (Stephen’s happy that I won’t have to go buy an entire new wardrobe but me, not so much), working working working except Tuesday afternoons when I receive my injections. Oh and I’ve started working out a bit – well more like brisk walking and an elliptical - ready to get back to a normal workout routine. 

Can’t believe I have 49 days till I'm back into surgery and 52 days till Christmas (guess I need to start shopping)!!

Welcome Home Elizabeth

As you already know, I was released from the hospital on Friday, September 18^th and after finally being checked out and wheeled out I slid into the backseat of my ride.  Chauffer Stephen and I took the 30ish minute drive to our house, all the while I was dreaming of my bed.  Little did I know that the blue velvet recliner (the one that my hubby got as a Christmas gift when he was teenager and I have been begging to get rid of for many, many years) would become my very best friend.  I would love to give a complete detailed account of the next couple days, but to be honest, Saturday and Sunday were a complete blur thanks to all the medicine.  All I really remember is my dear friend Laura coming over to French braid my hair (thank you for tackling my greasy hair twice) and getting to see our newly competed tiled master bathroom for the first time.   

Monday rolled around and the world kept spinning – thank goodness!  Stephen had to go back to work so it was just my incredible mom and I.  We took a little drive to Ashley’s Ally to meet my wonderful hair dresser, Laura, who came in on her day off to wash my hair.  It took my mom and Laura roughly 10 minutes to devise a plan that got me in a position to wash my hair.  Once situated, a feeling worthy of heaven came over me as Laura did a wonderful job washing my hair.  Other than getting my first “shower” later that week getting my hair washed and blow dried was Ahhhh-ma-zing! I may not be the best dressed or the most put together all the time but I am overly thankful I did not run into anyone on our Monday morning outing as I was dressed in PJ’s, no makeup and was carrying a pillow.   I couldn’t do much for a while because I would get so tired so quickly (but that comes with any surgery); so when we got home I relaxed in that blue recliner until our first of many meals arrived.  Speaking of, I have started writing thank you notes but THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for all the meals; we would have not survived without all the flowers, PJ’s, visits, calls/texts, cards, etc from all the wonderful and supportive people in my life.  

 

The whole shower situation was definitely a chore until my drains were removed 13 days after my surgery.  I had to wear a surgical bra - I don’t know how many of you have had the pleasure of having one grace your body for two weeks, but man they suck!  By the time my drains were removed and I received my first expander injection the bra was causing more pain than my actual chest.

Back on topic, I finally got my first “shower” (I use that word loosely b/c my first shower consisted of me standing in the tub and having my mom bathe me) a week after my surgery (gross if you ask me). It was a chore to shower - I would remove the medical bra, hang a lanyard around my neck and safety pin those annoying drains to it – HOTNESS!  It didn’t look pretty, nothing really did for the first 2 weeks, but I got through it.  I had about 3 of these type showers (thanks mom) and then finally one day I decided I was going to try it by myself.  One of the biggest YAY moments was after my drains were removed and I could stand in the shower and wash my own hair without having to tilt my head to the one side then the other to wash it.

 

Sleeping, one of my favorite things sometimes (my hubby thinks I am a bit narcoleptic) was easy yet difficult all at the same time.  I know some can do it but I didn’t feel comfortable laying completely down. The first time I did it felt like the expanders, b/c they are so heavy and hard, were going to come straight through my back and it was difficult to sit up from laying completely down so I slept just reclining in that chair for about 1.5 weeks. The chair got hot sometimes and I couldn’t move well so it became increasingly uncomfortable and I became antsy to be back in my bed.  I started sleeping in my bed with 4 or 5 pillows propping me up the second weekend after I came home.  I thought it was heaven but then I dropped down to my two normal pillows and that was even better.  I still can’t sleep on my side and I’m a side sleeper so I wake up around 4 every morning b/c the back of my body pretty much becomes numb from not being able to move.  I had a huge YAY moment last night though when I sat up in the bed without having to have Stephen’s help or use the sheets as leverage.  GO ME!  I am counting down the days though till I can sleep normal (hopefully in about 60 or so days).

This whole journey has taught me that I am happy I am able to do those little “normal” things that I would normally take for granted by myself.  This week has been the BEST yet and many YAY moments have happened bc Dr. C has been out of town so I didn’t have to get an injection :) Even though I have been released to drive since my drains were removed I have chosen not to b/c I couldn’t shift my car into Park (my hubby said that’s an imperative step in the driving process) but this past Monday my car and I reunited and man did it feel good!  I also have a larger range of motion (I can reach my arms above my head) so I have been able to pull shirt over my head.  I have been able to go in the office/show homes, go to meetings, carry my purse and computer bag, do laundry, clean my house, wear heals… all the fun things in life ;)

I know everyone has their own journey but I am blessed that mine has been one of relative ease. I have had my fair share of pain but some of the stories that I have heard from other women make me realize just how lucky I am.  From here, I have, hopefully, 4 more 40 cc injections, wrapping up by the week of thanksgiving so I can enjoy that time with family and friends and going back into surgery to have the expanders removed and the permanent implants installed the week after Thanksgiving.

HAPPY ONE MONTH POST SURGERY TO ME!!

 

These Things Called Boobs

Like I said in my first post, I read an article after I made my decision that having a double mastectomy was like having an amputation – you lose a piece of yourself.  I truly believe that statement now.  When Stephen and my mom saw my chest in the hospital and commented that it looked the same (yes, I’ve always had small boobs for those who don’t know me) I got excited, but let me tell you they were being very generous!  Granted, mastectomies have come a long way - I have an incision under each boob about 3-4 inches long and I opted for the nipple sparing (and as of now it took) so in the end, with Dr. Carlin’s help, I hope to have a better, larger version of my original chest - but that doesn’t change the way I feel about myself right now.  I remember the first time I looked; I had gotten out the shower, stood in front of the mirror, dropped my towel and there they were, my unnatural looking boobs. These oddly shaped things are the result of tissue expanders and they serve an important purpose of making me look like a woman again: they are empty breast implants that will be filled with saline (I came out of surgery with 120 cc in each one).  The process slowly stretches the skin and muscles.  When I reach the size I want to be, or when my skin and muscles cannot stretch anymore, I will go in for my second surgery, have the expanders removed and the permanent implants will be inserted.  Actually seeing my boobs for the first time was an unexplainable feeling of joy of sadness.  I was happy that my first surgery was behind me but I was sad because they aren’t me.  I was happy because I have always wanted larger breasts, but this is not how I envisioned getting them (even thought I know it’s 100% the right way for me).  I was scared out of my mind for the journey that comes with these expanders and I was right to feel that way… 

I have had 3 follow up doctor appointments since my surgery.  The last one was this past Tuesday when Stephen, my mom and I went to Dr. Carlin’s office; and this visit was by far the best one yet because I got to have my drains removed. They went from the outside of the boob, under then ended near the top, almost encircling each one.  When Carlin removed them you could see it sliding around under my skin and my spectators/hand holders thought that was cool :)  I just thought it was cool that they were GONE… PaRtY!!!  Then came the panic attack – I was asked if I wanted my first expander injection – I thought I was prepared for this moment but when the question was asked, my nerves took over.  With some gently forceful prodding I decided, what better time than the present, right? So, Jamie, the awesome nurse, brought my own personal bag of saline, two huge syringes and two needles in the room.  OH MY GOSH, WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN!?!?!  I reclined back on the bed and then the science experiment began.  Each expander has a magnet on it, Dr. C took out a small little device that had another magnet hanging down.  He sort of waved it around each boob and when the dangling magnet moved… Bingo, injection site discovered.  He then filled each syringe up with 60 cc of saline and inserted the needle into each chest and pumped the saline in.  As the 3 of us and my doctor talked about Tory Burch vs Jack Rodger flip flops and Birkin bags to distract me, each boob got larger right before our eyes. Well right before Stephen and my mom’s eyes… I was too chicken to look… maybe next Tuesday I will ;).  Wow, that was easy; or at least that is what I thought until that evening and then PAIN!

I was prescribed a nice little pain killer when I was sent home from the hospital, and I took my fair share, but decided this past Sunday night that I was D.O.N.E - I didn’t like the way they made me feel, everything was foggy and all I really did was sleep.   That decision went out the window around 10 Tuesday night :(  The chest and back pain and shear feeling of being uncomfortable all over had me searching for relief and down the throat one, and only one, went.  I had been warned that the expanders are the worst part of the entire journey and dumb me, I didn’t 100% believe the ones before me, but now I do.  Right after surgery, I had a team getting and keeping my pain under control but this, this is a different type of pain, one I’ve never before experienced (and full disclaimer,  I have had 2 open back surgeries in my short life).  I took my pain medicine around 10, right before I went to bed and woke up around 3am in severe pain.  Stephen helped me sit up in our bed and I went out to our den and sat on the couch till the sun came up, unable to go back to sleep.  The next day, was more of the same, chest and back pain.  I was so uncomfortable last night that I tried to lay on my side for a moment (even though they don’t really recommend it) and I just couldn’t (it felt like the expanders were moving).  I did however pull out this blue and white checkered pillow that I have had since I was 6 years old.  This pillow is one of my most prized possessions as it was the little pillow my biological mom used during her fight with breast cancer.  As I laid that pillow between my left arm and chest I feel straight to sleep.

 

 

Step 1

Hey guys – didn’t mean to go MIA since my last post, which was over a week ago now, but the last week came and went way to fast.  Before we went to sleep last Wednesday I checked my Instagram and the first thing I saw was “God has it all under control; Go to sleep”, so that is exactly what I did… and I had the best night sleep.

We woke up at 4:30 and headed to the hospital at 5:00AM.  If any of you have checked in for surgery at Parkridge you will know what I am talking about but I felt like Stephen and I were checking in at a “Couples Retreat”.  The building was lit up like a beacon at night and the open atrium of the lobby and grand piano in the waiting room reminded me of a vacation destination.  Upon check in, we and three other couples were escorted to the second floor surgery waiting room.  I was giddy to say the least.  Not sure what Stephen was thinking.  Sara Ross was called and back we went. I had my pregnancy test done (it was negative), changed into my sexy gown and socks and crawled into a hospital bed.  I was injected with something equivalent to valium and I honestly don’t remember much after that.  Stephen and my mom told me I kept talking and for what I have learned I made a fool out of myself.  I was in surgery for 4 hours and then in recovery for about 2 hours as they were trying to get my pain under control (thank goodness they did).  I was wheeled into my room around 2 and Stephen and my Mom were then able to come see me.  Once of the first things they noticed was I apparently busted my lip open at some point during recovery.  Either I smacked myself in the face while waking up, or I involuntarily bit the inside of my lip.  To anyone considering a surgery, I would not recommend doing either during recovery.  I slept a lot the day of my surgery but I was already up and walking to the bathroom by the evening :) Thursday was more of the same, slept, took a lap or two around my floor, ate a little, and got medicine; the one refreshing break to the sleep cycle was when the hospital spa staff came in to give me my complementary facial, and hand/foot massage.  Still not sure how complementary it was, but I thank my insurance company for it later.  My plastic surgeon stopped by Thursday afternoon and opened up my zip up bra and gauze and showed Stephen and my mom my chest.  I was laying there and I remember everyone made the comment that they looked the exact same!  I came out of surgery with 120 cc of saline in each expander so I’m roughly the size I was before I went into surgery. I’m not sure that I believe them but I appreciate their caring support :).  Friday was more of the same, sleep, meds, and waiting for the hospital staff to let us know when we could go home.  We were located in the post-delivery section of the hospital so there were several new mothers around us.  On one of our walks, one of the new mothers commented on how skinny my ankles looked!  I assured her that I had not just given birth and she breathed a very heavy sigh of relief.  Around noon the doctors/nurses came in and finally told us we were free to go!  So I slid into the back seat of my car (driving miss daisy-style) so that I did not have to buckle my seat belt and Stephen drove me home, doing his very best to miss every pothole in Columbia (you know that’s hard).   

My hubby says that I have thanked a lot of people in my blog so far but I want to thank an additional 2 very important people during this whole journey.  Dr. Metropol (my general sugergeon who did the mastectomy) and Dr. Carlin (who started the expanders and will do the reconstruction).  Through their guidance and expertise, I am one step closer to completing the journey!

 

Lets do this!

 

 

Reasons to Live

Wow, I cannot believe tomorrow is almost here.  I feel like it was only the other day that I was officially “posted” for surgery and I was announcing my decision to the world.  To be honest, I am super excited and extremely nervous… not sure which emotion I have more of at the moment.  Tomorrow morning I will wake up around 4:00, that is, if I can even sleep tonight and shower/get as ready as I am allowed and then Stephen and I will head to the hospital where I have to report at 5:30 AM!!!  It was supposed to be 7 AM but they called me Monday and said the surgeons needed to move my surgery up, so 5:30 it is.  Stephen isn’t thrilled about the time but I’ll get a couple additional hours of sleep that morning so I’ll be okay ;) My surgery starts at 7:30 and I will hopefully be out midmorning with one surgery behind me!!

Since this journey began a lot in my life has been put into perspective… from family, friends and work… and I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching.  Growing up, after my mother passed away, I was so angry with God that I sometimes even questioned his existence.  I mean, how could he take a young girl’s mother away?  Or why?   When I received my news last year I was again a slight bit angry with God; but that anger quickly turned to gratefulness as I realized that he had provided me with the knowledge and means to stay healthy. God truly does work in miraculous ways.

Stephen thinks it’s odd but with so many people getting pregnant and having babies recently I have started thinking about starting our own family.  A dozen or so people have asked me why I am doing this surgery now and not waiting till our family is complete, I have breast fed, etc and the fact that I want to be there for my kids/to see them grow up/etc is the main reason.  I don’t want something I can prevent to affect my family now or in the future.  I don’t want my children to ever be angry or question God and his plan for their life.  So, to my future children….

One day you will enter my life and that will be the happiest day of my life, right behind marrying your daddy, but for now I just dream about you. It will be many years, after you are born, before you fully understand the life I had growing up and the life I will always strive to give you till the day you die.  Your biological grandmother, Karen, passed away when I was only a little girl and even though God put a another wonderful woman in my life to raise me I don’t want you to have to go through the emotions and anger I went through from losing my mom at such an early age.  So tonight, as I say my prayers and try to get some sleep, I want you to know that tomorrow is happening because of you. 

So, my journey begins tomorrow…

Ain't Nothing Going to Slow Me Down

Wow, I cannot believe this Wednesday is my surgery – the time has flown by since I made my decision and it went by even faster after I started this blog.  Life has been crazy busy over the past week trying to get prepared for the big day.  There’s so many emotions and so much I want to say before Wednesday but let me start by addressing work and the thanks my three teammates deserve.

I was always that girl that was going to be a stay at home mom – that was what, in my mind, I was born to do; but a little over two years ago now three wonderful individuals came into my life and have changed it forever.  To say Franklin, Amanda and Amy are like my family is an understatement.  Other than calling Stephen and my mom when I found out my results they were the ones I cried to.   I am a firm believer that people come into your life for a reason and I have no doubt these people did - not just to help me grow my business/become a better Realtor, but if it wasn’t for them and their personal experiences with breast cancer I may not have been able to make the decision to have the surgery so easily.  You see, as someone who is on 100% commission I couldn’t imagine taking time off (heck, I even worked when we went to Mexico for a week this year) but having them there to support me is truly a gift!

I had a friend ask me a couple weeks or so ago if I was going to continue working during the surgeries and recovery/expanders (more on those later) and my first reaction was “Of course, I can’t imagine not working!!” I may not be able to open doors immediately after Wednesday (thanks to the team for filling in for me there) but shortly after I’ll have nurse mom running chauffeur for me.  So, I don’t plan on slowing down anytime soon :)  I will still be making phone calls, replying to emails and taking care of clients. I thought, if a friend thinks I may not be working, others may think that as well; so shameless plug, I am going to continue to work!

To the FA Team: Y’all will never know how much joy you three have brought to my life and “working” is more fun than I ever imagined it could be! I absolutely love what I do and the three of you have no idea how having y’alls support helps me feel so much at ease with my decision and the upcoming surgery.

THANKS A MILLION for the help while I am out but I am already counting down the days till I get to come back in the office.

 

 

Labor Day Construction

Oh Labor Day, you were over in the blink of an eye.  If you know Columbia, you know most people, esp. on long summer holiday weekends, pack up and head to one of the many beaches only a couple hours away.  We however stayed in Columbia (Yay and Boo)!!!  We had great company for dinners and I showed homes some as well.  But, if you follow me on Instagram or know me at all you know Stephen and I started a huge master bedroom renovation earlier this year and by earlier I mean January (love you SHR).  And if you know my hubby at all you know he is very meticulous about every little detail and he likes doing it all himself (that’s the engineer in him).  We are renovating two bedrooms at one end of our house to make a master suite so it’s  been out of sight, out of mind, well until I decided to have my surgery, then it became crunch time! Our bedroom/closet/bathroom are almost done being painted,the tile guy is moving along and will hopefully be done by this coming weekend (fingers crossed) and our closet is close to being done as well. We have more to do, mostly final touches, but I feel more prepared than I did this past Friday. They say that if a couple can undergo a renovation then they can go through anything.  Well Stephen and I have been through 2 now (he/we hand built our entire kitchen a couple years ago) and we are going stronger than ever - so this surgery/recovery will be a breeze.  Thank you to him for putting up with my wants and for finding them in our budget as well as for dealing with my breakdowns when things weren’t going according to my plan.  As usual, you are my rock but get back to work ;)

I dream it, he builds it





One of the happiest days of the reno...
When my tub was installed



Love our closet chandelier