I'm going to look like a man

Wow, it officially hit me Saturday when I was carrying two steel closet rods out to the street and dropped one on my big toe, right on the nail – Ouch!  I made, what I think was, a normal reaction and dropped to the ground, grabbed my toe and yelled for Stephen to come help.  When I got in the house I sat on our kitchen floor and while my husband lovingly wiped the blood and put ice on my toe I blurted out “I’m going to look more like a man soon, no boobs and no toe nail” and then the tears came streaming out my eyes. 

I guess let me start at the beginning because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a blog?  Well, my beginning started many years before I was even thought of, when my great-grandmother passed away from breast cancer when my maternal grandfather was only a little kid.  Fast forward to almost 26 years ago now when my biological mom passed away from breast cancer as well.  Angelina effect, not so much here.  Many years before she came forward my amazing stepmom (who I refer to as my mom) tried to convenience me during my sophomore year of college to go through with genetic testing.  As a then 20 year old I thought, if for some reason it came back positive, I would be writing my death sentence so I chose not to go through with it.   Well, that was until last summer.  I informed Stephen that I had been thinking about finally being genetically tested and of course he supported my decision.  So, in November 2014 we walked in South Carolina Oncology hand-in-hand to meet with my genetic counselor, Karen, and we learned more about genetics than we ever imagined.  I remember sitting there giving blood and the lady told me I was too tense and I needed to twirl… so that’s what I did, I twirled right on out of SC Oncology J I thought that after everything medically Stephen and I have gone through since the beginning of our marriage that maybe my results would come back negative or at least that was my “plan” -  we want to start a family soon, my career has taken off, etc - but shows me that God doesn’t care about my “plans” and what I have going on in my life.  As I was driving up Gervais Street to my office this past December I got the call from Karen. I remember she asked if I was at the grocery or anywhere like that. I told her no that I was just driving and BAM there it was, I carry the ATM mutation.  Numbness…

Everyone knows about the BRCA1 & 2 genetic mutations but there are others that are linked to breast cancer and the mutation I have is in ATM gene (thank goodness I didn’t do the testing my sophomore year as I would not have been tested for this particular mutation as it is so new – God’s plan).   After 8 long months of research, meeting with my genetic counselor, my oncologist, my female doctor, my general surgeon and my plastic surgeon I made the most difficult yet easiest decision I have ever made in my life and on August 12^th I made the phone call to schedule my prophylactic double mastectomy.  There it is for the world to read… I am undergoing a prophylactic double mastectomy on September 16, 2015.

In full disclosure, I have never written a blog and a handful of my girlfriends may laugh when I put this out there because my knowledge of the blog world is incredibly slim (I follow one blog and that is Franklin Jones’) but I was at lunch last week with a girlfriend talking about my situation and how I hope to be able to help other women and she mentioned I should write a blog (thanks Kim).  I don’t expect anyone to follow this, it’s more of a journal of my life during this process and what I am going through physically and emotionally.  I was not an English major so sorry if punctuation isn’t always correct. Also, I am not a doctor, I am a Realtor, and I don’t have any type of medical training.  I am not giving medical advice, this is just my journey.  I know I am in a good situation – I am overall a healthy 32 year old and that many women have to undergo this surgery daily while also dealing with chemo, radiation, etc so for that I am blessed that I got to take my time and make my decision.   I am at peace with my situation, I may not be able to breast feed my children but I will be able to watch them grow up and for that I am even more thankful.

Last but not least for this post, thank you to my wonderful husband, Stephen.  You will never know how your consistent love and support affects me daily and I wouldn’t have had the courage to be so proud of my decision if it wasn’t for you.  Our roller coaster ride starts soon but I am grateful every day that I get to go on it with you by my side.