Cheerleaders

Don't judge me - I was in 9th grade

First off let me start this post by saying THANK YOU for all the support, prayers and loving words of encouragement I have received over the past couple of days!  I thought that if I was lucky, a couple people would read my blog, post a comment or maybe even send me a message; but the outpouring of love, even from complete strangers, has been overwhelming to say the least.  Thank you to everyone out there and your prayers are always welcomed!! 

I received a message the other morning after my first post from a young woman that read my blog because a mutual friend had liked it on facebook.  She recently found out she too has a genetic mutation that causes breast cancer and had questions - when she reached out to me I knew that starting this blog was the right thing to do.  I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me, that’s not my motivation for writing. In all honesty my motivation is actually that someone going through a similar situation would feel compelled to reach out to me.  If these ramblings can help even one person then it’s completely worth it.

In this post, I really want to thank my cheerleaders – my girlfriends, near and far, that have been walking this journey with me and for their shoulders to lean on!  I remember sitting at Za’s this past November celebrating my 32^nd birthday with a handful of these cheerleaders and announcing to them that I was going to start the process.  Saying the words out loud brought tears to my eyes but I also remember all the genuine love and relief I felt from telling someone other my husband and my mom that I was going on this journey.  You see, I had a chip on my shoulder growing up and it wasn’t really till college that I learned many life lessons about who I am and who I want to be as well as about friendships and the NEED for them in my life.  I know now that I wouldn’t be so at peace with my situation and my decision if it wasn’t for them.  I have strengthened many friendships, made several new ones and rekindled others from years past, all because of this “disguised blessing” that God gave me.  These friends, old and new, will be another reason why this journey will be worth it. 

I received another message from someone this week and although I was confused at first (I thought he was going to tell me my blog sucked) his message went on and at one point it read “it sounds like you have a tight knit family and close friends.  You’re going to need those resources after your surgery in September.  Disregard the physical aspects of the operation for a brief moment.  Prepare yourself mentally.”   As I laid in bed and read that blurb over and over again, I remembered something I read a couple weeks ago, that having a mastectomy was like having an amputation – you lose a piece of yourself.  I keep thinking about his words and wondering am I mentally prepared?  I know I am – my husband, my mom, my family and my friends – with their support I can do and get through anything.

Everyone, I wish I could give you each a hug but a thank you through my insignificant little blog, or the intra-webs as my hubby calls it, will have to do for now – THANK YOU

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm going to look like a man

Wow, it officially hit me Saturday when I was carrying two steel closet rods out to the street and dropped one on my big toe, right on the nail – Ouch!  I made, what I think was, a normal reaction and dropped to the ground, grabbed my toe and yelled for Stephen to come help.  When I got in the house I sat on our kitchen floor and while my husband lovingly wiped the blood and put ice on my toe I blurted out “I’m going to look more like a man soon, no boobs and no toe nail” and then the tears came streaming out my eyes. 

I guess let me start at the beginning because isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a blog?  Well, my beginning started many years before I was even thought of, when my great-grandmother passed away from breast cancer when my maternal grandfather was only a little kid.  Fast forward to almost 26 years ago now when my biological mom passed away from breast cancer as well.  Angelina effect, not so much here.  Many years before she came forward my amazing stepmom (who I refer to as my mom) tried to convenience me during my sophomore year of college to go through with genetic testing.  As a then 20 year old I thought, if for some reason it came back positive, I would be writing my death sentence so I chose not to go through with it.   Well, that was until last summer.  I informed Stephen that I had been thinking about finally being genetically tested and of course he supported my decision.  So, in November 2014 we walked in South Carolina Oncology hand-in-hand to meet with my genetic counselor, Karen, and we learned more about genetics than we ever imagined.  I remember sitting there giving blood and the lady told me I was too tense and I needed to twirl… so that’s what I did, I twirled right on out of SC Oncology J I thought that after everything medically Stephen and I have gone through since the beginning of our marriage that maybe my results would come back negative or at least that was my “plan” -  we want to start a family soon, my career has taken off, etc - but shows me that God doesn’t care about my “plans” and what I have going on in my life.  As I was driving up Gervais Street to my office this past December I got the call from Karen. I remember she asked if I was at the grocery or anywhere like that. I told her no that I was just driving and BAM there it was, I carry the ATM mutation.  Numbness…

Everyone knows about the BRCA1 & 2 genetic mutations but there are others that are linked to breast cancer and the mutation I have is in ATM gene (thank goodness I didn’t do the testing my sophomore year as I would not have been tested for this particular mutation as it is so new – God’s plan).   After 8 long months of research, meeting with my genetic counselor, my oncologist, my female doctor, my general surgeon and my plastic surgeon I made the most difficult yet easiest decision I have ever made in my life and on August 12^th I made the phone call to schedule my prophylactic double mastectomy.  There it is for the world to read… I am undergoing a prophylactic double mastectomy on September 16, 2015.

In full disclosure, I have never written a blog and a handful of my girlfriends may laugh when I put this out there because my knowledge of the blog world is incredibly slim (I follow one blog and that is Franklin Jones’) but I was at lunch last week with a girlfriend talking about my situation and how I hope to be able to help other women and she mentioned I should write a blog (thanks Kim).  I don’t expect anyone to follow this, it’s more of a journal of my life during this process and what I am going through physically and emotionally.  I was not an English major so sorry if punctuation isn’t always correct. Also, I am not a doctor, I am a Realtor, and I don’t have any type of medical training.  I am not giving medical advice, this is just my journey.  I know I am in a good situation – I am overall a healthy 32 year old and that many women have to undergo this surgery daily while also dealing with chemo, radiation, etc so for that I am blessed that I got to take my time and make my decision.   I am at peace with my situation, I may not be able to breast feed my children but I will be able to watch them grow up and for that I am even more thankful.

Last but not least for this post, thank you to my wonderful husband, Stephen.  You will never know how your consistent love and support affects me daily and I wouldn’t have had the courage to be so proud of my decision if it wasn’t for you.  Our roller coaster ride starts soon but I am grateful every day that I get to go on it with you by my side.